Battling Postpartum Depression In Silence

Postpartum can be the scariest obstacle in a mothers life. As a mother of four, After experiencing so many disappointments this year. Emotionally I didn’t even realize how depressed I was after having my last baby. I didn’t even realize the symptoms until I started paying attention. It’s so easy to ignore your feelings when taking care of a baby, or much more children. You definitely have to acknowledge when your feeling overwhelmed and depressed. Mentally, You don’t even care.

As a mom, it’s not easy to admit when your crying for help. You don’t ever want to feel less than a mom, or even a woman. People sometimes assume women batting Postpartum are crazy. No, they are just going through a rough past in their life. If you need help or need someone to express your feelings, don’t ever be afraid too. Never let it bottle up inside until you explode of frustration. I’m just speaking from experience with my children.

The amount of insecurities you face after pregnancy is crazy. Combined with the added stresses of life can be unbearable. You portray this painted on smile, for the world to see. In reality, your struggling to function as a normal human being. Waking up in the morning is a total, drag. Feeling pretty and looking beautiful, just isn’t in the list of things to do. On top of that, You have someone that depends on you always.

It’s solely up to you to make sure everything is Ok! At the same time your trying to make sure, you find yourself again. There are some days, your appetite decreases. Your more focused on feeding your baby than yourself. One of the greatest signs that I was able to pinpoint. In result of all these changes, I started to lose so much weight.
I didn’t even realize it until my pants started falling off. My mother asked me “Why you look so skinny?” I was baffled, to say the least.

People around me started to acknowledge, the obvious change in my figure. I’m naturally a petite person but I lost an excessive amount of weight. Gazing at myself in the mirror, I realized, I lost myself. I didn’t recognize the person on the other side of the mirror. Add on too that, already dealing with other stresses in life. A total recipe for disaster.

There were moments where I would drift away to my own space. Just locked up in a room with all four of my kids and just cry. Tears, streaming down my face and wondering why? My 5-year-old would wipe the tears off my face and proceed to give me a hug. She asked if the hug would make me feel much better. That is where the realization of this depression I was battling sank in, very quickly.

I battled this in silence for a long time. No, one could break the weight I had been carrying. I would never take a break from mothering, it is what I have to do. Seriously, you do need a break, at times. It was hard for me to accept that because I’ve been a SAHM for merely 7 years. Letting go, when it comes to anything pertaining my children is hard. I wanted some time of relief for this internal pain I was fighting. I just didn’t have any instruction on what to do, to make myself feel better. Everything around me just seems to be falling apart.

No matter how much you seek answers on google. Or read books, it never prepares you to encounter your own experience. This ladies can happen to anyone. I am just at a point in my life where I’m not scared to share my feelings anymore. In hopes that it can help someone else battling this thing called postpartum depression after giving birth. We just wish the answers were in front of our face. But, honestly, it starts with you.

No one can dig you out of this cave, you’ve been hidden. My happiness became essential to starting my days. It was very important I found the light after the tunnel. I did n’t want to feel like I was drowning in my own sadness. I was scared of what people would think of me. I knew, there had to be some changes made to get myself out of this slump. At least, somewhat, So I decided to make a promise to myself.

This promise was based on chasing what I’ve been ignoring. My inner feelings that’s I had locked up for so long. It was definitely time to face every emotion. I decided to write my heart out about my thoughts. Writing has been my savior, I swear. During my darkest moments, when I don’t have a listening ear. I have ink flowing against the paper, or my fingers typing with my Evernote app. Anytime any place to relieve what’s on my mind.

I say this to say, in closing. Postpartum Depression is real. It happens to strike without any warning. Moments after all the chaos of life seems to settle in. Don’t ever let it take over your world. Let it be just and temporary experience that you grow from, and in return can share this knowledge with someone else. Whatever you are going through, this is a battle you can win!!!!

8 Replies to “Battling Postpartum Depression In Silence”

  1. Thanks for sharing your experience and encouraging other moms to seek help for postpartum depression. PPD is common, and more people need to speak out about it.

  2. What I didn’t realize is that postpartum depression doesn’t always happen immediately after childbirth. I didn’t start to struggle with some of the things you described until months after my son was born. Eating is now a legit checklist item for me because if it’s not I’ll forget to eat. Exhaustion is not as easy a fix though. Some nights it’s hard to turn my brain off.

  3. Thank you for being so brave to share your journey. I think far too often women are scared to admit they need help. This is why it’s so important to have a support system: people you can rely on for strength, advice, and who can lovingly express their concerns if they see you struggling. No woman is an island! It’s so great to hear that you had your Mom who was able to express her concerns to you so you could get the help you needed.

  4. I remember feeling stressed, like no one understood my pain, feeling like a human cow, and wanting to just run away. Those were all the postpartum depressive feelings I experience after my 2nd child was born. What kept me from running away was looking down at this helpless nursing baby. My heart softened and I knew there was no better place I needed to be, but right there with my 6-week old infant. That was 17 years ago.

  5. Wow! I can relate to these feelings that you openly shared here. I’m a mother of 3; but I found that after having my second child and becoming a SAHM, that my thoughts went downward. I remember feeling overwhelmed, resentful, and perhaps, paranoid. I’m not very open about my feelings but have found blogging to serve as a space to share them. Thank you again for sharing your experience. I found your blog through the Mom Bloggers Collective prompt for today.

  6. I feel this so hard today. This week has been super hard, as a pretty much single mom of two under two. You feel lost, personally my anxiety is crippling, it makes it hard to leave the house most days. But getting someone to understand the reality of it has been challenging for me. They just see me as being dramatic. People have this thought that moms can, and SHOULD do it all. Which is so backwards. Writing has also really helped me to get out of my own head and focused on another project. This week for us has been especially tough with daylight savings time and the elections. Looking forward to more of your work!

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