Postpartum can be the scariest obstacle in a mothers life. As a mother of four, After experiencing so many disappointments this year. Emotionally I didn’t even realize how depressed I was after having my last baby. I didn’t even realize the symptoms until I started paying attention. It’s so easy to ignore your feelings when taking care of a baby, or much more children. You definitely have to acknowledge when your feeling overwhelmed and depressed. Mentally, You don’t even care.
As a mom, it’s not easy to admit when your crying for help. You don’t ever want to feel less than a mom, or even a woman. People sometimes assume women batting Postpartum are crazy. No, they are just going through a rough past in their life. If you need help or need someone to express your feelings, don’t ever be afraid too. Never let it bottle up inside until you explode of frustration. I’m just speaking from experience with my children.
The amount of insecurities you face after pregnancy is crazy. Combined with the added stresses of life can be unbearable. You portray this painted on smile, for the world to see. In reality, your struggling to function as a normal human being. Waking up in the morning is a total, drag. Feeling pretty and looking beautiful, just isn’t in the list of things to do. On top of that, You have someone that depends on you always.
It’s solely up to you to make sure everything is Ok! At the same time your trying to make sure, you find yourself again. There are some days, your appetite decreases. Your more focused on feeding your baby than yourself. One of the greatest signs that I was able to pinpoint. In result of all these changes, I started to lose so much weight.
I didn’t even realize it until my pants started falling off. My mother asked me “Why you look so skinny?” I was baffled, to say the least.
People around me started to acknowledge, the obvious change in my figure. I’m naturally a petite person but I lost an excessive amount of weight. Gazing at myself in the mirror, I realized, I lost myself. I didn’t recognize the person on the other side of the mirror. Add on too that, already dealing with other stresses in life. A total recipe for disaster.
There were moments where I would drift away to my own space. Just locked up in a room with all four of my kids and just cry. Tears, streaming down my face and wondering why? My 5-year-old would wipe the tears off my face and proceed to give me a hug. She asked if the hug would make me feel much better. That is where the realization of this depression I was battling sank in, very quickly.
I battled this in silence for a long time. No, one could break the weight I had been carrying. I would never take a break from mothering, it is what I have to do. Seriously, you do need a break, at times. It was hard for me to accept that because I’ve been a SAHM for merely 7 years. Letting go, when it comes to anything pertaining my children is hard. I wanted some time of relief for this internal pain I was fighting. I just didn’t have any instruction on what to do, to make myself feel better. Everything around me just seems to be falling apart.
No matter how much you seek answers on google. Or read books, it never prepares you to encounter your own experience. This ladies can happen to anyone. I am just at a point in my life where I’m not scared to share my feelings anymore. In hopes that it can help someone else battling this thing called postpartum depression after giving birth. We just wish the answers were in front of our face. But, honestly, it starts with you.
No one can dig you out of this cave, you’ve been hidden. My happiness became essential to starting my days. It was very important I found the light after the tunnel. I did n’t want to feel like I was drowning in my own sadness. I was scared of what people would think of me. I knew, there had to be some changes made to get myself out of this slump. At least, somewhat, So I decided to make a promise to myself.
This promise was based on chasing what I’ve been ignoring. My inner feelings that’s I had locked up for so long. It was definitely time to face every emotion. I decided to write my heart out about my thoughts. Writing has been my savior, I swear. During my darkest moments, when I don’t have a listening ear. I have ink flowing against the paper, or my fingers typing with my Evernote app. Anytime any place to relieve what’s on my mind.
I say this to say, in closing. Postpartum Depression is real. It happens to strike without any warning. Moments after all the chaos of life seems to settle in. Don’t ever let it take over your world. Let it be just and temporary experience that you grow from, and in return can share this knowledge with someone else. Whatever you are going through, this is a battle you can win!!!!